If you haven’t read them yet. Don’t tell anyone. We’d hate for people to know you missed some pretty legit beard oil reviews. Check out PART ONE & PART TWO here.

For a beard oil to be considered excellent by our standards it has to hit the mark in three major categories: Smell, Spreadability, Visual Appeal, Oily-ness & Lasting Effects. Also, it can’t judge us for our math skills. Let’s cover them all in a lightning round final review for Jake’s Beard Oil.

Jake's Beard Oil 3

Smell: This stuff smells fucking awesome. Nailed it.

Spreadability: One eye-dropper is enough to cover my bushy beard that started as an 8-length clipper guard at the beginning of this review & is now significantly thicker & longer. Nailed it.

Visual Appeal: After application our beard has a matte gloss. A bit of sheen in the right light but not glistening or glossy. It’s subtle. We like that. Nailed it (for my preference)

Oily-ness: Three easy ways to test a beard oils’ “Oily-ness”:

  1. The Smart Phone Test. Apply oil then use your smart phone. Does it leave a residue? Does it fuck it up at all? This one doesn’t.
  2. The Motorcycle Test. Apply oil. Put on helmet (preferably to ride somewhere). When you take it off does it leave a stain where the pads cover the cheeks? This one doesn’t.
  3. The Fingers Test. Apply oil. Have someone run their fingers through your beard. Preferably in a sensual manner while feeding you guacamole. Are there beads of oil running down their fingers after? This one doesn’t leave that.

Nailed it.

Jake's Beard Oil Review 3Lasting Effects: How does your beard feel 24 hours after application? 36? Does the softness, the clean feeling last if you forget or are on the run from the law and can’t do a regular daily application? This one lasts. The effects are noticeable even a day later after working out & jumping in the ocean. Fucking-A nailed it.

We can’t say it enough times. Jake’s Beard Oil is the real deal. Possibly the best oil we’ve ever used (not just reviewed, but just used, period). And in the time it took us to do this intensive review Jake has taken his beard oil from hobby to burgeoning local business. Now you can get it online even if you aren’t one of his friends. Take advantage now before he realizes what he has, starts branding the shit out of it and sells out to In-Bev…wait, wrong industry.

Lightning Bolts of Awesomeness

Jake’s Beard Oil get’s SIX LIGHTNING BOLTS OF AWESOMENESS! Our first official 6. So you know it’s legit. Here’s a Wizard we found online who can better convey how we feel about it.


You can buy Jake’s Beard Oil here.

  • OldSpiceBeardGuy

    I’m back in the LA basin for Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving from *shudder* Iowa and saw this review while reading your review on Dollar Beard Club. I GOTTA GET SOME BEFORE GOING BACK TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!

    So… How do I write to Jake?? You will be my ThanksChristHannumaskanza Wizard heroes!!!