Here at SoCal Sessions we drink beer. We review beer, and we give our uneducated opinions on it. We decided to come up with a ranking system of our own. Sometimes we review other things too, but we always use the LBA Scale-The Lightning Bolt of Awesomeness Scale for Beer. It’s a mouthful.
Here’s how it works:
Each beer is ranked on a 1- 6 Lightning Bolt Scale (see below). There are no “1/2” bolts. That’s ridiculous. A lightning bolt is either a bolt or it isn’t.
One Bolt is not good. When compared to six Bolts? C’mon, it sucks. This is a beer we won’t be drinking again. We don’t recommend you drink it. In fact, it should only be drunk if you are giving it to one of your enemies as payback for insulting your cardigan, or whatever.
Okay, two Bolts. Getting better. We’re probably still not going to drink you again, but at least we’ll finish this one. We’ll talk shit about it while we are drinking it though, and maybe make a scrunched up face near the end just in case anyone is watching.
Three Bolts. Now we’re talking. You’re the kind of beer we like after mowing the lawn, or at a backyard BBQ pulled out of an icy cold cooler. We might even buy a 6-pack just to keep for guest beers or something. You’re not bad. You’re not great. But you get the job done.
Four Bolts. Congrats you passed the Mendoza line into respectability. We’re not ashamed to tell our friends we drink you. You’re a decent, respectable beer. And probably a safe bet if we’re in an airport or ballpark. You’re consistently good, and certainly respectable to give as a gift or serve at parties. Well done bro.
Five Bolts are you kidding me? Shit, you must be good. Not just the taste, but the smell, the experience, the look and style. You are firing on all cylinders like the pistons of a rebuilt 1969 Ford Mustang Shelby GT. You are upper echelon. Five Bolts is reserved for the kind of beer you consider not sharing (you still do because you’re not a huge dick).
Oh me, oh my we just entered Six Bolt territory. Six Bolts is essentially the Awesomeness quotient of Mr. T Riding a Unicorn with a rainbow in there somewhere. It is fucking awesome. Delicious, well crafted and without distinguishable fails anywhere from the smell, to taste, mouthfeel and all those other things beer people always talk about. This is the best of the best. Maverick vs Iceman Best of the Best. Thank you for existing.
(We snagged this pic from Pinterest, and they snagged it from http://scottcouncil.tumblr.com/.
No idea where he got it.)